What I Don't Want to Do

What I don’t want to do

is work on my novel

or practice my mandolin

or try to learn Spanish

What I don’t want to do

is read all the important

books I said I would read

as soon as I had time

What I don’t want to do

is organize my garage

or create some fabulous

recipe from cans in the pantry

What I don’t want to do

is practice yoga

with YouTube

or watch educational tv

What I don’t want to do

is pretend that this isn’t

affecting me, my family,

our health, our minds, our moods

What I don’t want to do

is act like I’m not scared,

scared of getting it

more scared of giving it

What I don’t want to do

is believe those who say my faith

is overshadowed by

my fear

What I don’t want to do

is give up

or give in

or lose hope

What I will do

is keep going, keep trying

keep getting out of bed

every morning

 What I will do

is allow myself

to feel everything I feel,

the good, the bad, the ugly

And maybe,

just maybe,

I will take a

nap