Making Peace

 

Matthew 18:15-20

September 6, 2020

            It all started with a ham. People got angry. People made accusations. People left the church. Over a ham.

            I heard this story a long time ago about a congregation that ended up in a major conflict over a ham. Now I want to make the disclaimer that this was not a church I served, and I do not remember where or when I heard this story, or the person who shared it with me. So, to say that this is a fully accurate depiction of what happened would be false. However, I do know that a church conflict started over a ham. I have a good imagination, so combine that with the details I can piece together from my memory, and here is what I suspect happened.

            One committee in this church was responsible for providing the meal for special church dinners, whether it was a time of fellowship or for a dinner after a funeral. Serving on this committee was a couple who always provided a ham or hams for the meal, depending on how large the dinner needed to be. That was what this couple did. That is what this couple always did, and that was the way it was supposed to be. However, a new couple joined this committee, and they decided that maybe it was time to do something else besides ham. Maybe they could serve chicken tenders or a pork roast or, for the potential vegetarians in the mix, something that did not contain meat at all. Gasp!

            Well the new couple on this committee apparently did not realize that the established folks on the committee – specifically this couple – had a particular way of doing meals, and those meals always included ham. So, when the new couple questioned the serving of ham, the old couple who provided the ham got upset. They got angry.

How did they deal with their anger, you ask? Did they approach the new committee members and tell them that they were hurt and angry that they were left out of the decision making? Did they call for a private chat to express their concerns? Did they share their hurt feelings in a calm way, and ask if a compromise could be reached? If you think that the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you are sweet – you are naïve, but you are sweet.

            No, the ham couple did not approach the anything-else-but-ham couple and talk to them directly about their conflict. The ham couple did talk to people, though. They told the people in their Sunday school class. They talked to the people who shared a pew with them. They talked to other church friends out in the parking lot. They mentioned it to the youth pastor and the choir director. They told their neighbors about it. But they never talked directly to the new couple who wanted to do something different than ham. And the conflict over this escalated. Rumors flew. People chose sides. Resentment built. And eventually the new couple left. Why? Because people got angry and hurt over ham.

            Clearly there was more going on in this situation than ham. Standing outside of this situation and looking in, it is easy to see that the couple who got so angry did not how to deal with conflict. They certainly did not heed any of the advice Jesus to his disciples about conflict in our gospel passage this morning.

            Before we dig deeper into Jesus’ advice, I also want to acknowledge that I think this conflict over ham was ridiculous. How silly, how sad, that it reached the point that it did. But how many times have I been that ham couple? How many times have I been hurt or angry, and instead of dealing with the conflict directly, I made it worse by avoiding it? How many times have I refused to make peace, and made something small into something big? More times than I can count. Perhaps you have been the ham couple too.

            The good news of this passage is that Jesus knew ham couples and anything-than-other-than ham couples would all live in the community of faith. I realize there is irony in saying it that way because Jesus, the disciples, and most people who were in that early community with them were observant Jews who would have shied away from ham completely. But you understand my analogy. Jesus knew that conflict would arise. He seemed to have no allusions that people would live in pure peace and harmony with one another. So, Jesus offered them a way of dealing with conflict when it arose.

            First, if someone hurts you go to that person directly, privately. Do not make it a big deal in front of others right off the bat. Go to that person, talk to that person. Talk about what happened, talk honestly about the conflict. If that person hears you and believes you, then it is done. The conflict has been addressed, and the path has been laid for reconciliation. But, if the private addressing of the grievance does not work, then take one or two other people who can be witnesses. A note of caution at this point; often when churches have enacted this second step, it has not been so much about having impartial witnesses to a conflict between two people, but as a ganging up on the supposed sinner. I don’t believe that Jesus was suggesting the latter. I think Jesus adds this step so that the conflict will not devolve into a we said, they said mess.

            If the person who is at the heart of the conflict still does not listen or address the wrong done, then the matter needs to be taken to the church, the larger community of the faithful. Again, a note of caution. I do not see this as a trial by the church. There may be wrongs committed that ultimately require a trial, but I do not see that Jesus was saying that in this passage. And, let’s be honest, this is probably the most difficult thing for us in our contemporary context to hear. The idea of having a conflict brought before the whole church sounds awful. It would feel like a trial, even if it wasn’t intended to be one. But again, I do not believe that Jesus was urging the community to gang up on the offender – in twos, threes, twenties or more. He wanted his followers to understand that the way for the community, the beloved community, to be whole, healthy, and functional was to bring the conflict to the light. This was not about a verbal stoning, but an addressing of wrongs and a making of peace. And remember the ham conflict? That did eventually go to the whole church, but the way it did so was anything but healthy.

            But if making peace was the goal of these steps, this peacemaking outline, than why would Jesus then tell them that it does not work, if there is still no righting of the wrong, then not only let the person go, but let them be considered a Gentile or a tax collector.

            What do we hear when we read those words? What do we imagine or envision? Shunning? Cancel culture? And yet, think, think, about how Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors. Think about the people he reached out to and welcomed. Think about the people he sat at table with and broke bread with. Think about how he treated the people who were most marginalized, most despised. Think about his words of forgiveness even from the cross.

            I do not think this was about canceling another member of the community. I think that it was a recognition that even if the conflict is not resolved, the door is to be left open for reconciliation, for restoration, for peace.

            Before I end this, I want to point out one more thing. When I read this passage, I automatically put myself in the position of the person who has been sinned against. Rarely, do I want to consider the possibility that I might be the one who needs to be confronted with my own sins. If someone comes to me and tells me that I have hurt them, that I have sinned against them in word or deed, do I believe them? Do I apologize or do my best to right the wrong? I hope so. But I know there are times that I have not. That’s true for me. Maybe it is true for you. It is certainly true for other individuals, and for congregations, and for the Church with a capital C.

            Making peace is a two-way street. It is about not avoiding conflict in our interpersonal relationships, whether that conflict is at home, in our communities, our congregations, or our denomination. But it is also about realizing when we are at fault, when we are the ones who have done the hurting and even the sinning. The good news is that Jesus knew this would happen. The good news is that Jesus gave us a way out and a way forward and reminded all who would listen that it is not just about us, but about the kingdom of God in our midst and in heaven. What we do, how we live, how we treat one another, how we make peace, affects us here and in the hereafter. There is a ripple effect. So, may we be peace makers – whether it is over ham or something much bigger – and may our peacemaking reverberate across this whole world, because people who can make peace are needed now more than ever.

            Let all of God’s children say, “Alleluia.” Amen.